Master Test
Part Three: Storytime with the Master
By V. Jewitt

(Are you all sitting comfortably?)


(A LWT / TTR story, in which the Simm Master has too much fun with the
children at the creche to bother killing them after all...) I hadn't
ventured into the creche yet and had to do some reading for this. And
then I found storytime at the creche... :-D (I LOL and then had to
use the idea!)



The Simm Master knew exactly where he was heading. If he had to prove
a point, he'd refute their slurs on his character - children's TV
indeed...

So he was going to stage a massacre at the creche of any children or
children's TV characters he could find. He was new here and unsure if
any children's TV favourites had made their way into the Round, but he
could certainly make a point.

He ran up to the creche door and burst in with a flourish, only to be
greeted by a harassed Izzy, buried beneath a wailing and messy
toddler.

"You're just in time!" she told him. "The rest are in there, waiting
for a story."

He shrugged to himself and passed on in. Even for the Master, the
crowd of *very* young versions of the Round's inhabitants gave him
pause.

"Where's Izzy?" demanded little Six belligerently.

Peri sucked her thumb. "Want a story."

An idea was forming in the Master's brain and he smiled as he mentally
postponed the massacre.

"Oh, I'll tell you a lovely story," he promised...


**************

NARRATOR:
That weird, anthropomorphic sun was shining down on Teletubby land and
DIPSEY, LALA, PO and TINKY WINKY just had to go out, hunting the
CLANGERS (played by themselves).

FITZ [looking down at himself]
What am I? Why have I got a handbag? On second thoughts, don't tell
me.

ROZ [even less pleased]
I thought we'd finished with story time. Hmm, my figure's gone pear
shaped. Oh, well. As long as I'm not anybody's stepmother this time,
I don't care.

[C'RIZZ and CHARLEY exchange bemused glances. This is all new to
them.]

**************

The Master laughed aloud. He was too new to the Round to have seen
that one coming. He was going to enjoy this.

Adric glared at him. "This is boring."

"No," said the Master. "It's not. Listen, everyone..."

****************

NARRATOR:
One day that big, nice sun -

***********

ROZ [to FITZ]
Isn't that -?

FITZ
No. Can't be.

*************

NARRATOR:
Excuse me, but one day that big, nice sun, who, yes, did bear an
uncanny resemblance to that interfering Face of Boe, fell from the
sky, leaving those poor teletubbies to die a terrible fiery death.

[The SUN falls on the four teletubbies, (just as CHARLEY was beginning
to enjoy this.) All four scream as the sun bounces about madly,
knocking DIPSEY, TINKY WINKY and LALA down, their feet kicking about
in the awkward costumes.]

NARRATOR (irritated):
I said FIERY death! Oh, very well. The four teletubbies were
squashed to death, except for little Po, left to watch the scene
'again' and 'again'.

**************

"That wasn't bad," allowed Adric. "I think it should have burnt them,
too."

Mel frowned. "But that wathn't our pwoper thtory."

Peri gazed up at him with big brown eyes. "It was supposed to be Snow
White. My favourite." A tear slid down her cheek.

The Master thought about it and grinned. "Snow White, eh?"

"Another fairy tale!" grumbled the little Master. "Silly happy ever
afters!"

His much older self sighed. "But very violent," he pointed out
cheerfully. "Snow White certainly is."

Peri's eyes widened in alarm and baby Jack crawled over to hold her
hand, but Six glared at him and sat firmly between the two. Rose
laughed.

The Master began thinking about massacres again. "You have to
listen."

*******************

[The scene is the tower room of a castle. Tapestries hang on the wall
and a woman is sitting with her embroidery, stitching as the snow
falls outside.]

PERI [looking up from her stitching.]
Oh, great. I'm sewing while someone throws polystyrene about.

NARRATOR
The Queen was sitting in her tower sewing, when she pricked her finger
on the needle -

PERI
Get lost! I'm not stabbing myself for some story.

NARRATOR
Well, at least say 'Ow'.

PERI
Ow! (She screams).

[To the NARRATOR] How was that?

NARRATOR
Ear piercing. Thanks.

Oh, and she's pregnant, did I forget to say?

[PERI hastily stuffs a cushion up the front of her dress and reflects
that at least this will be over very soon.]

NARRATOR
The sight of the blood on the white cloth gives her ideas for
children's names. Weird, but there you go. It takes all sorts to
make a cosmos.

PERI
Oh. Um, if I ever have a child - no, um - if my baby is a girl, I
will call her Snow White! Can I die now?

NARRATOR
Please do.

[PERI falls to the floor with a cry and plenty of overacting.]

NARRATOR
The queen did have a baby girl - posthumously, it seems - and called
her Snow White, probably by sťance at this rate. Her grief-stricken
father -

[The FOURTH DOCTOR strides on, waves cheerfully and walks off again.]

NARRATOR
Hiding his grief as best as he could, her father married again and
then swiftly popped his clogs, leaving his widow at home with his
young daughter. Now this woman was no better than the first drippy
idiot and she had a magic mirror. And instead of asking it for the
horse racing results, like that sensible Roald Dahl version, she
insisted on asking it who was the fairest in the land.

[In the same tower (with a quick change of scenery) the WICKED QUEEN
stands in front of her MIRROR]

MEL
Ooh, I'm the wicked stepmother. Watch out, everyone!

K9 [in the MIRROR]
This is silly.

NARRATOR
Well, say it, then!

MEL / WICKED QUEEN
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Is it me,
K9?

MIRROR / K9
Negative, mistress.

MEL
Isn't he supposed to say yes the first time?

NARRATOR
On that terrible day, the evil queen learned that her -

MEL
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha.

NARRATOR [hissing]
What are you doing?

MEL [using her normal voice]
My evil laugh.

NARRATOR
Well, stop it!

[Resumes storytelling] Her stepdaughter Snow White, who had grown up
as white as snow and as red as blood - this doesn't make sense - with
hair as black as ebony blah blah blah.

[Outside in the courtyard, SNOW WHITE is being forced to work as a
servant.]

PERI
Oh, no. I'm not playing my own daughter, am I? I thought I'd
finished. Oh, well. La la, la, feed the birds, tuppence a bag -

NARRATOR
This isn't Mary Poppins. Get on with it.

PERI [suddenly wary]
Who's the prince?

[THE EIGHTH DOCTOR rides into the courtyard, looking pleased with
himself.]

EIGHT
It appears to be me!

PERI
Well, that's something. I've heard about these storytime things. I
thought you got paired with your worst nightmare. You're all right.

NARRATOR
The Prince heard her singing idiotic Disney songs and instead of
running like any sane man, he decided on the strength of a few notes
that here was his true love. How romantic.

PRINCE
What a beautiful voice she has! [To PERI] Can't you even *try* to
sing in tune?

PERI
There wasn't an audition. You're supposed to think I'm the best thing
you've ever heard.

PRINCE / EIGHT
Well, it's difficult. Stop! Er, hmm, your voice is so amazing, but
best in *small* doses. And not a patch on Puccini!

PERI
Can we ride off to your castle now? If we don't there's going to be a
huntsman, chasing through the forest, seven scary little men and a
poisoned apple.

NARRATOR
You've forgotten the poisoned comb and the stays.

PERI
Save me, my prince!

EIGHT
If it'll stop you singing, all right. Perhaps a visit to a singing
instructor?

PERI
Anywhere but here sounds great to me!

NARRATOR [quickly and with emphasis, before his characters run out of
the story]
At that point, the wicked queen sees and calls for Snow White to go
back in and Snow White runs away from the prince.

MEL [bursting onto the scene, wearing the Master's outfit from the
Movie]
Snow White! Come here! You haven't finished cleaning the gym
equipment in the great hall!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hahaha.

NARRATOR
Gym equipment?

MEL
I'm the wicked queen; I'm very rich and evil and I can have whatever I
want in my castle!

************

Little Benny studied the new storyteller intently. "It doesn't seem
very violent yet. I liked her funny singing."

The Master smiled. "Just wait..."

***************

MEL
I must be rid of her! Even my faithful Mirror has got a thing for
her. I can't be having this. Hmm, I shall summon my gym instructor
and have him -

NARRATOR [interrupting sarcastically]
I think you'll find that's your _huntsman_. Does your gym instructor
usually drag innocent maidens out into the forest and cut out their
hearts?

MEL [subdued but defiant]
I don't know what he does in his spare time. All right, I shall
summon that trusty huntsman of mine and send him out into the forest
with her.

[The HUNTSMAN arrives, looking around him with confusion and slight
annoyance, since it is ORCINI from Revelation.]

HUNTSMAN / ORCINI
What's this all about?

MEL
Shh, it's storytime.

Just take Snow White out into the forest, kill the wretched girl and
bring back her heart in this box.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

ORCINI
You want her heart in this box? I charge extra for anything above a
clean killing.

MEL
You're my servant, huntsman. Do as you are told!

ORCINI
I suppose I might as well.

NARRATOR
The huntsman dragged the poor, innocent girl out into the forest -

The PRINCE /EIGHT [popping his head round a tree]
Am I wanted again yet?

NARRATOR
No! Go away!

[The PRINCE hides behind some bushes.]

ORCINI
What am I supposed to do now? Do I really kill the girl?

NARRATOR
The huntsman found that Snow White was too beautiful for him to bring
himself to kill her.

ORCINI
I'm sorry, why does that stop me killing her?

PERI
These things are so sexist. So if I'd been fat and ugly, I'd have
been for it?

ORCINI
I'll kill you if you want.

PERI
No! [She screams]

NARRATOR and ORCINI (and the PRINCE) [putting their hands over their
ears]
Stop that!

ORCINI
Oh, you're too beautiful and too loud a screamer for me to kill you.
Now, run away into the dark forest, little girl -.

PERI
I'm grown up, aren't I? I've just been chatted up by the prince, so
if not -.

NARRATOR [getting testy]
Yes, you are. Get on with it, both of you! Let her go and you kill a
deer instead.

ORCINI
Do I have to kill anything? This is type-casting. Besides, I don't
do animals.

NARRATOR
The huntsman kills the deer - or passing CLANGER who escaped the
Teletubbies - and puts its heart in the box for the Wicked Queen.
Who, by the way, EATS it!

[The HUNTSMAN returns to the WICKED QUEEN's tower and presents her
with the box.]

MEL
She's really dead?

ORCINI
Oh, yes. Her heart is in this box, as requested. Mind you, she was a
looker, wasn't she? A shame to cut her up, but I do what I'm told.

MEL
Not you as well!

[He hands her the box]

Thank you, but I'm on a diet. I'll just put it in the fridge for a
bit.

ORCINI
What sort of a story *is* this?

NARRATOR
A traditional story for children on the planet Earth.

Where were we? Snow White runs through the forest until she comes to
a cottage in the woods.

PERI
Do we *have* to have seven scary little men? Okay, here goes.

[She enters the cottage and looks around. Strewn around the
incredibly untidy rooms are items that make her increasingly sure this
is going to be a bad idea - hats, umbrellas, walking stick, celery...]

I've got a bad feeling about this...

NARRATOR
I don't think that line belongs in this story.

Snow White decided that if she cleaned up and kept house for the
people who lived there, they might let her stay.

PERI
Great. More housework. Oh well.

[She tidies up half-heartedly and throws a few vegetables into the
cooking pot hopefully, before going upstairs for a nap across seven
short beds].

NARRATOR
She waits to find seven strange men staring at her.

PERI
Story of my life...

NARRATOR
Seven dwarfs - DOC, HAPPY, SLEEPY, SNEEZY, BASHFUL, GRUMPY and DOPEY.

[Seven Doctors (ONE, TWO, THREE, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN and NINE) exchange
annoyed looks and find they're distinctly shorter than usual. With
false beards.]

PERI [waking up with a start]
Oh, it would be you lot! I mean, Seven Little Men, how sweet! Let me
guess your names - are you Bossy, Dizzy, Beaky, Bashful, Tasteless,
Schemer and Drippy?

ONE / DOC [fixing her with a glare]
You should show more respect to your elders and betters, young lady!

PERI [to SIX]
Look, I'm taller than you!

TWO / DOPEY
Hello, my dear. I think you're that runaway princess, aren't you?
It's so nice of you to tidy up our house for us. I'm sure we shall
love having you to stay!

PERI
Oh, I'm not staying here long, don't worry.

GRUMPY / SIX
Good! Can't be doing with all this cleaning. Besides, she'll
probably let strangers into the house and we'll be coming home to find
that someone's swiped the scanner and the central column of the TA -
er - table!

PERI
Thanks a bunch. You must be Grumpy.

GRUMPY
What made you think that?

BASHFUL / FIVE
Should we be singing 'Hi-Ho'?

EIGHT [from his hiding place outside]
No! Not any more singing.

NARRATOR [hissing]
Will you keep out of the way until you're actually supposed to be in
the story?

Right, where were we? Those seven pesky - I mean, kind-hearted, if
distinctly odd - little men allowed Snow White to stay in return for
doing all the cooking and cleaning and so on. Nice way to get an
unpaid servant, guys.

DOC / ONE
I think you'll find that we took pity on the poor young girl and
allowed her to stay and she insisted on the housework.

PERI
I don't think so, Doc.

[ONE has to choke back a demand that she NOT call him Doc, as
currently, that is his name.]

GRUMPY
See, I don't know why we should let such a silly, flibbertigibbet,
hopeless sort of princess clean up our house.

SLEEPY / SEVEN
Who decided which of us was which dwarf, because I would like to
complain!

SNEEZY / THREE
So would I!

BASHFUL / FIVE
I'm not terribly keen on this, either.

NINE
Would you call me Happy?

TWO / DOPEY
I really don't think any of you have anything to grumble about!

NINE
Why am I here? Where's Eight and Four?

NARRATOR
Stop being boring and get on with the story! Four was the dead
father, as usual -.

THREE
That's so typical of him. Sliding out of the awkward jobs.

NARRATOR
And Eight is the Prince.

SIX
I'm sorry. Eight is the *what*?

NARRATOR
Get on with the story or I'll murder the children!

PERI
Fine. Go ahead. You think any of us like *those* children? Or being
forced to play stereotypical damsels in distress Outside as well as
Inside?

BASHFUL / FIVE
Well, we wouldn't want anybody murdered. Shall we just get on with
the story?

DOC
Yes, we must be off to work!

DOPEY
Oh, yes. At the munitions factory!

BASHFUL
Don't you mean diamond mine?

GRUMPY
Hang on, we work in a diamond mine and we live in some scrappy cottage
out in the forest with no servants?

BASHFUL
Maybe it's a coal mine, then.

HAPPY
I don't work down a mine. I've got a nice little nine to five
clerical job. Why d'you think I'm called Happy?

NARRATOR [through gritted teeth]
Doctors, you try my patience - as always. Now get to wherever it is
that you all work and stop improvising!

MEL
I've been standing outside the door with a basket of stays and ribbons
for half an hour!

SLEEPY
Right, in that case, I'll be off to complete the final of my grand
World Chess Tournament.

SNEEZY
I'm sorry, my dear fellow, but you're just being facetious now.

DOC [yelling]
All of you, behave! I'm ashamed to call you me. We work down an
unspecified mine, together.

BASHFUL
And we sing Hi-ho now.

GRUMPY
And don't you go letting anyone in, even if they do claim to be the
gasman or the postman!

[The SEVEN DWARFS march off to work, singing discordantly. Everyone
else decides that there was nothing wrong with SNOW WHITE's singing
after all.]

MEL [instantly bursting in through the door, disguised as an old
woman]
Hello, my dear. Want some free stays? Here, let me try them on you!

[PERI has no chance to answer, as MEL sets up threading the new stays
through the corset of her outfit and pulls them tight.]

MEL [puffing with the effort]
I can't get them tight enough for you to suffocate.

PERI [gasping for breath]
Stop it, dumbo! I'll *pretend*!

[SNOW WHITE collapses to the floor and the WICKED QUEEN runs off
cackling wildly.]

MEL
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NARRATOR
And when the dwarfs return from the mine, office, or world chess
tournament, they find Snow White lying lifelessly on the floor.

PERI [half choking]
Someone get these things off me!

GRUMPY / SIX
See, she had to let the door to door salesman in, didn't she? I told
her!

[HAPPY / NINE sets about loosening the stays, seeing the others are
prepared to talk until SNOW WHITE pegs it]

PERI [coughing]
Thank you!

GRUMPY
And let that be a lesson to you, my girl.

PERI [smiling at him]
Don't worry, I'll never do it again!

DOC / ONE
No, you won't, because tomorrow we shall go out, taking the key with
us and you won't be able to let anyone in!

FIVE / BASHFUL
Um, Doc...

PERI
Oh, thanks! So now you're keeping me here as your prisoner to do your
dirty washing?

DOC / ONE
What else are we supposed to do? She's obviously stupid enough to do
the same thing again.

PERI
Yep, well, there you have me.

NARRATOR
So the next day, when the dwarfs set off for the mine, or wherever it
was they happened to work - let's not be speciesist about this sort of
thing - Snow White was left alone to do the laundry.

PERI [looking in the laundry basket]
Aaargh!!!

MEL [peering in through the window]
Look, this is taking long enough - shall I skip the poisoned comb and
get straight to the apple?

NARRATOR
No. I happen to like the bit where she gets stabbed with a nasty,
sharp, poisoned comb.

*************

The baby baddies all agree vigorously.

The Master smiled. "You're like my own children."

**************

PERI
Oh, all right, then. Hello, different old woman. [to NARRATOR]
Perhaps I'm short-sighted?

MEL
Hello, my dearie. Now, would you like a free hair bobble?

PERI
Ooh, a free hair bobble. Or could I have one of those pretty combs
instead?

MEL
Here, let me fix it in your head - I mean hair - for you!

[The WICKED QUEEN pushes the pointed comb into SNOW WHITE's hair.
SNOW WHITE falls down as if dead and the WICKED QUEEN runs away,
laughing insanely.]

PERI
Ow. Argh!

MEL
Ha ha ha ha ha -

NARRATOR
Yes, all *right*!

Later, the dwarfs come home to find Snow White lying lifelessly on the
floor.

GRUMPY
Oh, not again!

BASHFUL / FIVE
But what can have caused it?

SLEEPY / SEVEN [examining the cottage carefully]
It's hard to say.

[DOPEY / TWO shakes her and the comb falls out]

PERI
Thank you! I thought I'd had it that time.

GRUMPY / SIX
Now, young lady, I think it's high time we had a talk about stranger
danger, don't you?

PERI
She seemed like such a harmless old beggar woman, giving away free
hair bobbles. How was I to know?

DOC / ONE
In that case, there's only one thing to do! I'm going to board up the
window and that will put a stop to this nonsense!

PERI
Oh, come off it! I'm going to be a case for Amnesty International in
a minute!

NARRATOR [belatedly, as TWO and ONE have headed off with planks and
nails to board up the only window]
How are we supposed to do the slightly important part with the apple?

THE DWARFS [all looking at each other]
I'm sure you'll think of something!

NARRATOR [thinking about it]
Oh, I understand. How typical of you, Doctor! You resent your other
self being the prince while all of you have to be dwarfs. Well, stop
trying to ruin the story and it will all be over!

MEL [from outside the door]
It's all right. I have a wickedly cunning plan!

NARRATOR [suspiciously]
And what cross-overs have you been in lately?

MEL
What do you mean? I'm just being your average villain and -

NARRATOR
Get on with it! The Seven Dwarfs go down that mine again and while
they are out working, there's a sudden cave in and they are all buried
underground forever.

[The DWARFS yell as rock falls all around them and everything goes
dark.]

NARRATOR
That was more than enough Doctors in one story, I feel. Now, the
wicked Queen, undeterred by the unethical behaviour of the seven scary
little men, arrived with her poisoned apple.

MEL [climbs up on the roof and drops the apple down the chimney]
There's your lunch, you poor, sweet girl, locked up in that smelly
little cottage.

PERI [calling up the chimney]
It's cinders now. I'll put the fire out and you can try again.

MEL [improvising swiftly]
Oh, all right. Luckily, I brought a spare! Here we are, Cinders! I
won't let you starve.

PERI [picking up the apple]
Thank goodness for that. This nightmare is nearly at an end! [She
bites into the apple and falls down onto the floor again.]

MEL [calling down]
Oh, I forgot. It's a magic, wishing apple and - . Too late! Well,
home for a work out session in front of the mirror!

THE NARRATOR
And as there are no dwarfs to fuss, Snow White is just buried like
anyone else and -

DOC [hammering at the door]
Snow White, my dear! Are you all right in there! We seem to have
lost the key!

NARRATOR
And how did you lot escape?

DOPEY/ TWO
Why, we all had our pick axes and shovels with us. It was no trouble
at all to dig our way out of the polystyrene rock fall.

HAPPY / NINE
And I gave them a hand when I dropped in on my way back from the
office with the minibus.

GRUMPY / SIX [breaking the door down]
Stop jabbering, you lot! Snow White has somehow still managed to get
a cold-caller and she's lying dead on the floor!

BASHFUL / FIVE
Oh dear. Um, which of us is going to have to say it?

SNEEZY / THREE
Don't be squeamish, man! I'll do it!

She's too beautiful for us to simply bury her. Let's put her in a
glass coffin for everyone to look at -.

SLEEPY / SEVEN
So do we have her embalmed first, because if not -

DOPEY / TWO
No. She's not dead.

GRUMPY / SIX
So then why aren't we phoning for an ambulance? We're going to put
her in a glass coffin and wait until Eight turns up and kisses her?
I've never seen that recommended in a first aid manual!

DOC / ONE
Now, now, best not to think about it. Let's put her in the glass
coffin and have the story ended. Besides, if I heard that young men
aright, this is the older version and there's no kissing in that at
all, I'll have you know.

PERI
Just my luck.

SIX
Excuse me, you're supposed to be dead. Be quiet. Besides, you can't
trust him. He'll probably kiss her anyway. You know what he's like.

NARRATOR
The seven heartbroken dwarfs put Snow White into her coffin and put
her out in the woods for passers by to see her beauty. Then they
spend every day standing around her coffin, crying.

[The SEVEN DWARFS reluctantly pretend to cry. SNEEZY blows his nose a
few times and GRUMPY delivers a heartfelt eulogy, but there are few
real tears.]

[Much later, the PRINCE, who has been searching for his lost princess
all this time, rides by and sees that he is too late]

PRINCE / EIGHT
Oh dear. She seems to be dead. Did you seven short, ill-favoured
fellows put her out here? Tell me, who is she?

GRUMPY [glaring]
She's the princess Snow White and she's dead, so you can push off.

PRINCE / EIGHT
No, I must take her with me, dead or alive. If you'll help me carry
the coffin back to my castle, I'll pay you well.

HAPPY / NINE
I'm afraid I already have a full time job, but I'm sure the others
will help.

GRUMPY / SIX
Oh, yes? And what do you want with a poor, unfortunate *dead* girl,
may I ask?

PRINCE / EIGHT
Only to look at her, of course. And painting. I'm very good at
painting and I will do you seven chaps a marvellous portrait to keep.

GRUMPY / SIX
Believe that and you'll believe anything.

PRINCE / EIGHT
Well, come on. Someone give me a hand with the coffin!

[BASHFUL / FIVE and SNEEZY / THREE and DOPEY / TWO oblige, but the
coffin is at such an odd angle between them that they drop it.]

SNOW WHITE / PERI [spitting out a piece of half-chewed apple]
Ow! Who did that?

GRUMPY / SIX
He did! [Pointing at the PRINCE].

PRINCE [kneeling beside her]
Oh, my darling, you're alive!

[SLEEPY, GRUMPY, DOPEY and HAPPY mime vomiting actions]

PERI
Just about, although no thanks to someone who carelessly drops a
*glass* coffin! It's lucky this is a cheap prop, because otherwise,
I'd probably be bleeding to death!

PRINCE / EIGHT
Say you'll marry me and we can all go home!

PERI
Oh, all right then, but only if you promise never to drop me again.

PRINCE / EIGHT
You've made me the happiest man on earth, Snow White.

[Pauses]

You weren't planning on, um, singing again, were you?

[SNOW WHITE GLARES]

NARRATOR
And they all lived happily ever after. No, wait. That's not how this
story ends!

Back in her tower, the wicked queen was talking to her mirror again.

MEL
Ooh, look a wedding invitation. Must look my best! Mirror, mirror on
the wall, Who's the fairest of them all?

MIRROR / K9
The new queen is fairer than you, Mistress. And your questions are nt
sensible.

MEL
In that case, I shall go and have a few words with her!

NARRATOR
The queen went to the wedding, along with the seven dwarfs, even
Grumpy, the huntsman and anyone else in this story who fell for Snow
White because she was so beautiful, the superficial lot.

MEL [panicking]
I don't know this bit.

NARRATOR [whispers]
You have a fit of jealousy and die of rage.

MEL
Right. [Screams and jumps up and down in a paddy] It's not fair!
Aargh! Aargh! Ohhh!

[Falls over and kicks her legs and waves her arms about]

PRINCE / EIGHT
Somebody fetch the poor woman a doctor!

[Thinks about that for a moment and gets embarrassed as the SEVEN
DWARFS glare at him as one]

[The WICKED QUEEN lies still, then starts again and -]

NARRATOR
And the wicked queen was *dead*. That was the end of her, and serves
her right.

GRUMPY / SIX
I still don't see why he gets to marry her. There'd better be no
kissing at this wedding!

NARRATOR
That was the end, in case you didn't notice. Go away!

************

The Master smiled at the listening toddlers. (Well, the row at the
front who were listening. He ignored those behind who were currently
playing, sleeping or crying.) "How was that for a story?"

*

Izzy caught him on the way out. "Thank you for that. What's your
name? You're new here, aren't you?"

It dawned on the latest Master that he had done a good deed. He'd
forgotten in the pleasure of humiliating the Doctors as dwarfs. "Mr
Saxon," he muttered and hurried on out.

"You will come back, won't you?" she called after him.

He couldn't help himself. He reappeared at the door instantly and
grinned at her. "Oh, I think I will."

After all, when he'd had enough of those entertaining stories, he
could still blow the place up or find some ingenious way of killing
every child inside it.

She smiled back at him. "It's such a relief to find someone who can
keep them quiet for a bit. There now." She put the curly haired
toddler down. "Little Four," she explained. "Too many jelly babies
again. He will keep doing it and then we have trouble with him all
night."

The Master left at a run.

*

Behind him, the Meddling Monk gave him top marks, chuckling to
himself. "I did enjoy that story!"



Prelude - Part One - Part Two - Coda

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This Time Round was created by Tyler Dion. All characters are
copyright of the BBC and/or BBC Wales, Big Finish, and Doctor Who
Magazine.