This Time Round: Songs From the Jukebox -- by Tyler Dion This was new. It was sitting up against the wall when Harry let himself through in the back door. All shiny chrome fittings and neon-colored panels, some lit and others dark with dead light bulbs. Inside the glass case was a neat row of black circles, stalwart soldiers waiting for their turn under the needle. Harry didn't feel obligated to express surprise or anything of that nature. Lots of things showed up around here that hadn't been there the night before. Take that time with the "ROLL, TIDE, ROLL" banner... He spent an idle minute perusing the selections. No, nothing he found terribly interesting. Same old pap by people he'd never heard of. Then he noticed the coin sitting in the change return slot. Well... that song didn't look so bad. He dropped the coin in, and punched in A4. KA-CHUNK-CHUNK. WHIRR... The disc spun, and the music began. Harry sighed contentedly to the strains of Laurence Welk warning people not to rain on his parade, and went about preparing the bar for business. It was only about ten songs later, when Harry flipped the neon Budweiser cum "Open" sign on ("Tres chic," Norm and Cliff had assured everyone as they hung it in the window), that he realized the thing hadn't stopped to ask for more coins. "Oops." * * * * * KA-CHUNK-CHUNK. WHIRR... The forty-five slipped into place, and the needle lowered into the groove. The music began, and was soon joined by a twentieth- century pop star. "Ooh, I fell in love with a crotchety stranger..." she crooned repeatedly for about five minutes or so. Most people just shrugged and did their best to ignore it. Such is the stuff number one singles are made of. A wooden cane came hurtling javelin-style out of the shadowy booth to the rear. Shattering glass, it landed quivering in the midst of the jukebox's workings. The record came to a scratchy halt. KA-CHUNK-CHUNK. WHIRR... Another song began. "Rub her post-mort -- er, ah, posterior all over me, eh?" came a indignant voice from the shadows. "The gall of that woman; the sheer gall!" "That's funny," the young man said amusedly. "You didn't complain when I did it." "Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw?" * * * * * KA-CHUNK-CHUNK. WHIRR... "Spring starts with a heartbeat's pounding..." The white-haired man stared at the dark-haired, slightly- widow's-peaked individual before him with an almost venomous glare. "You do realize you've shot my continuity to hell and back, don't you, old boy?" he pressed. His concern was evinced by the fact one hand was rubbing his nose to a bright shine, while the other slowly sanded away the back of his neck, layer by layer. "I mean, what were you thinking?" The man with the hairy arms shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." "Don't tell me what the fans are doing "Don't tell me that they're wearing scarves..." * * * * * KA-CHUNK-CHUNK. WHIRR... Another young man began to sing. This one confided in his audience as to the state of the clouds, the location of happiness, the color of footprints, and: "The wind whispers..." "Why?" moaned the warrior king. "Why couldn't she just be happy with me?" He noisily slurped up the dregs hiding at the bottom of his glass. "Hey, man, it happens to all of us." Lister tentatively patted him on the back, uncertain where comradeship ended and mindless violence began. Yrcanos just fell face-forward, scattering pint mugs hither and yon. "Somewhere, a queen is fleeing "Somewhere, a king has no wife... "And the king he cries, 'Peri'..." * * * * * KA-CHUNK-CHUNK. WHIRR... "Incense and peppermints, the color of time..." "In the old days, it wash great, yeh?" he complained drunkenly as his accent degenerated into something sounding more and more like it hailed from deepest, darkest Liverpool. "It wash great," he repeated. "Could say I wash however old I wanted, and I wash *shtill* older than anyone elshe. But now...now, ever'body's a bloody great universal forshe, or cosmic en'n'n'i'y, or sumpthin'. Wha's the fun in bein' a thou -- a thousn' -- bein' bloody ancient is what, if ever'body else is too?" Kes refrained from saying anything as she stood up and left. "What'd I say?" the Doctor asked bewilderedly, as he rubbed his stinging cheek. "Incense and peppermints, meaningless nouns "Turn on, tune in, turn your eyes around..." * * * * * KA-CHUNK-CHUNK. WHIRR... "Nine voices singing as one..." began the reedy voice. Before he could continue discoursing on the habits of nine grown men all alone on a deserted beach, the singer was interrupted most rudely. CRASH! KRRCCKKK. The glass shattered. Violence was applied indiscriminately and excessively to the mechanical innards of the machine. "I'm sorry," the Lumley Doctor said, hopping one-footed back to her table as she replaced her shoe. "I just can't stand that song for some reason." "Hear hear," chorused the Grant, Broadbent, and Grant Doctors. * * * * * KA-CHUNK-CHUNK. WHIRR... End. Notes: Characters (In order of appearance): Harry Sullivan, Norm and Cliff, First Doctor, a young man, Third Doctor, Lawrence Miles, Yrcanos, Lister, Eighth Doctor, Kes, Grant, Broadbent, Grant, and Lumley Doctors. Source songs (In order of appearance): Madonna, "Beautiful Stranger"; Jimmy Buffett, "Why Don't We Get Drunk"; the Tragically Hip, "Poets"; Jimi Hendrix Experience, "The Wind Cries Mary"; Strawberry Alarm Clock, "Incense and Peppermints"; Yes, "Nine Voices."