This Time Round - Plot and Loophole By Vicky Jewitt Part Two: Plot "I can come in now, can I?" asked Ruth. Polly merely nodded and marched off, leaving them to it. "Oh, dear," sighed the Second Doctor. "I seem to have annoyed her!" The Tenth took a stool to sit on. "So, where's this dreadful woman and what's so dangerous about her?" "I thought we had our full quota of psychopathic females," added Sarah. "She can't be worse!" Adric brought Ruth a drink on the house, mostly to move out from under the fridge that was inexplicably hanging from the ceiling above the bar. "Tell me about it!" "Let her speak!" burst out the Second Doctor. "It had better be more interesting than that grey story we just had..." Ruth took a deep breath. "Well, we don't have a place to go to like this, outside reality. And Tessa hasn't been in the show for ages. Even in the books, she's only had a brief mention that she's getting stopped by another character. She's in some fan fiction, but it's not enough for her. She heard about this place and she's been looking for a way in. Then she made contact with the Master in some villain's hang-out -." "How do you know this?" She gave the Tenth Doctor a look. "I worked at MI5. We all spy on one another when we're not in a story. There's nothing else to do. Not like here." She brightened. "This looks like fun!" "She must be mad," said Harry to Adric. "Bonkers," he agreed and they both moved away. Ruth started again. "We found out that she was blackmailing the Master to get her information about the people here - and then she was blackmailing another Master to find a way in, but one of them told her about Polly's night off. I thought I'd better come and help." "Wait a minute," interrupted the Third. "Blackmailing the Master? I thought he was proud of his villainy?" "I'm sure you'd like to see some organisation in this place," Tessa meanwhile was talking to Nyssa. "There must be people here you find annoying. They could be - tidied away - with a little bit of thought and ingenuity." She frowned. "Tidied away?" "Or used as target practice," amended Tessa. "Whatever you choose, of course. I'm looking to you for advice. I've never been allowed so much as a gun yet, but I've always found information to be a powerful weapon." The Master entered at that very moment, as if he had been waiting for his name to be called. He crossed to their table. "You mentioned me?" "Yes," said Ruth, facing him. "It's about Tessa. You should tell them." He turned away. "No! I can't!" "I think you'd better, old chap," advised the Third. "Your future self will try to destroy the whole universe and the one after that's a cross-dresser. Or is that the alternative one? What could be worse?" Still the original Master refused to look at them. Then he sighed heavily. "She found out," said Ruth for him. "His donations to charity -." "There was a villainous plan behind that, I promise you!" "Feeding the birds -." He raised an eyebrow. "I spend a lot of time in captivity. Training messenger pigeons is hardly an unselfish act." Sarah was stifling laughter. "You see?" The Master said. "Already, I'm no longer the sinister figure I was." Ruth continued, "Then there's his liking for children's programs -." "Oh, we all know about the Clangers," said the Tenth. "Tell us something new!" The Master swallowed. "I was whiling away the tedium of imprisonment." "The Clangers?" said Ruth. "We only knew about the Bagpuss DVD." Everyone looked at the Master again. "And she's holding his birdwatching journal to ransom." The Third was staring at his nemesis, not quite able to assimilate this new idea. "Oh, all right!" snapped the Master. "I confess! I may be a villain *inside*, but here - it's so hard to keep up the act - the posturing, the endless, complicated plotting. I just want a quiet night in the Round with a good book, but all the other evil characters sneer at one. And my future selves look down at me if I don't do my best to keep up with them." The Second Doctor patted him on the back. "Well, now we know. That wasn't so bad, was it? You can come and sit with us instead now." "I expect that's just what he wants!" snapped the Third Doctor. "This is some underhanded plan of his." The Master looked from one Doctor to the other. He smiled at the Third. "Your faith in my evil, black-hearted ways is quite touching. It must be why I can never quite bring myself to kill you." "Do you know what Tessa is planning?" asked Ruth. He sighed. "I'm sorry. She only asked for news about the Round. I told her what everyone knows. I believe she plotted with my next self in more detail. You'll have to see if you can persuade him." The Proprietor stared back at the respectable-looking business woman in front of him. "You'd get me proper help? Cheap? Not dead, undead, insane or a member of a union? And nothing to do with Anime?" "Yes," Tessa told him. "There's no reason that it should be a problem. I can do your accounts for you, too, if you like. Free, of course. I've got a lot of spare time these days." Nyssa watched her. "This is how you conquer a place? You don't kill anyone?" "When it's necessary," she returned coldly. "However, it doesn't do much good round here, does it? I told you: information is a weapon!" The Trakenite looked ahead serenely. "So is a fridge. In the right hands." "That woman," said the Fifth Doctor to his incarnation of the Master. "You know her, don't you?" He looked away shiftily. "I might do, Doctor. What is it to you?" "Well," he said amiably, "I couldn't help but notice that she's gone off with Nyssa - and she's still alive. Something's going on. I wondered if you knew." Tegan played with her straw. "Plus, there's been some big fuss all evening about her getting in and that lot over there have been talking to your other self." "I suppose it may be as well to tell you," he decided, leaning forward. "Who knows what the future will be for all of us if she succeeds?" The Fifth Doctor paused. "Who is she then?" "An intelligent and ruthless woman," he told him. "She's got information about all of us and she knows how to use it. If we don't stop her, she will have control over the Round." Tegan spluttered with laughter at the mere idea. "But that's impossible!" "I don't know," he said, "but if anyone can do it, I think she could!" The Doctor was following up a previous thought. "So ... is she already blackmailing you?" "Blackmailing me?" he scoffed. "My dear Doctor -." "She is, isn't she?" He hesitated and then put his head in his hands. "She has evidence that I'm not as evil as I claim." "Wait," said Tegan. "She's blackmailing you by threatening to expose your good deeds?" They both looked at him. "Well, obviously," returned the Master. "Everyone knows I'm an evil genius. What else would be a danger to me?" Tegan thought about it. "I suppose that makes sense in a crazy, back- to-front place like this." "I keep up a villainous front in the Round," he admitted. "That's easy enough and I go elsewhere to pursue more innocent interests. Well, most of the time. I let my enthusiasm for cricket appear even here -." "Well, that's understandable," said the Doctor, and Tegan nodded. He sighed. "I've sent flowers to relatives of those I've victimised - anonymously, of course. She has all the details -." "I don't believe it," Tegan realised suddenly, "you really did try to help us the other day!" He coloured. "True. You see how it is? I would be ruined if this got out, so I've had to help her! You can imagine how scathing my earlier self would be and the cruelty of my next incarnation were this to become public knowledge. Somehow people can't take you credibly as a threat if they know you're kind to small, furry animals!" "I'm not sure that I think this is credible," commented the Doctor. "You're just a nice person underneath?" "What could be sweeter or more innocent than Nyssa in the real world?" countered the Master. "And yet, here ... Is it so hard to believe?" "To be frank," said the Doctor, "yes!" Tegan was lagging behind. "When have you been kind to small, furry animals?" "Can I help it if a stray cat or lost puppy gets into my TARDIS?" "You have no idea how difficult it is," complained Polly to Tessa, as she used the bar counter to try and set her precious list to rights. "I have to keep notes on who's been in what story, and where. And then there's all the arguments over what counts and what doesn't. I'm sure my hair's starting to fall out!" Tessa listened thoughtfully. "A better system could be arranged." "Wait a minute," said Polly, straightening herself and looking at the older woman with narrowed eyes, "I don't know you, do I? You're one of the new characters the Doctor let in!" She didn't turn a hair. "That's true. However, what you do now depends." "On what?" asked Polly, feeling unaccountably nervous. Tessa smiled, "Oh, whether you want me to let everyone know about the times *you* haven't been so careful about your role here. Or certain other things I could mention." Polly's eyes widened. Francois came in for his shift, but stopped and looked at the fridge now hanging over his head. He marched back out again. Even Ogrons had their limits. The Second Doctor dragged Ruth across to the Fifth Doctor's table, closely followed by the Delgado Master. "Do you mind? We need to speak to him!" The Ainley Master paled visibly. "Don't tell him!" he begged. "I don't think I could," the Doctor assured him. "Not with a straight face..." The Second Doctor coughed, "This is Miss Ruth Evershed. She says that he has been plotting with a woman called Tessa!" "Tessa?" the Fifth Doctor repeated in amusement. "Well, that's struck fear into our hearts." He looked annoyed. "She's a troublemaker and she's got some plan to seize control of the Round!" "I still don't believe anyone could do that," objected Tegan. Ruth glanced at the Second Doctor. The Ainley Master sighed. "Yes. There, I admit my evil plans! I was plotting with that terrible woman!" "To do what?" asked everyone. He chuckled darkly. And then said, "Well, she didn't tell me everything..." "All right," said the Fifth, deciding to take this seriously. After all, the woman was still somewhere in the Round with Nyssa. "What *did* she tell you?" He continued with the satanic laughter, overcompensating for the presence of his earlier self. "She knows things. We'll all have to run the Round her way or all our terrible secrets will come out." "What if we haven't got any terrible secrets?" Tegan asked. The Delgado Master coughed delicately. "I fear we *all* have. We've all been in stories we block from our mind - stories that no one else here may know about yet, stories where we stepped out of character, and other stories that I won't mention in public. And then there is the Round. This is, after all, our only true private life." "Okay," said Tegan. "We'd better stop her." The Fifth Doctor folded his arms. "And what is it that you're so desperate to keep secret from me?" "Not now, all right?" she snapped. "Besides, who says I want to keep stuff secret from you? There are other people around here, you know!" He recollected the situation. "True. We'll argue about it later..." "Your working conditions don't seem to be ideal," Tessa commented to Harry and Adric, unable to help an upward glance at the fridge. Adric shrugged. "Well, the arrangement is sort of unofficial," explained Harry with a smile. "I'm really a member of UNIT." She propped up her elbows on the bar and asked innocently, "So why don't they let you sit with them instead of ending up as a mere waiter?" "Doctor," said the Movie Master menacingly. The Eighth turned with a sigh. "What is it now?" He played with his sunglasses. "There's something I should tell you." "You're not the alt-Master, are you?" he enquired warily. He said, "Do I look like that idiot?" "Well, yes, you look exactly like him," he replied. "I thought that was the point of a version of you from an alternate reality. Mind you, I suppose he hasn't been around for a long time. What did you want?" He said, "We've got a newcomer on the scene and she could be a threat. She's already been blackmailing my previous selves." "Really? How enterprising of her!" He said, "I am trying to warn you, Doctor." "It's so difficult to know whether or not to believe you," he pointed out. The Master put the glasses back on. Yellow eyes were such a pain when trying to convince people of one's sincerity. "She wanted plans of Nameless, the Round, copies of Polly's list and anything else she could get her hands on. She threatened to expose my secrets if I didn't go along with her, but I told her to go to hell." "Your secrets?" He shrugged. "Everyone has them, Doctor. I have ...other interests." "And what happened?" The Master sighed. "She's holding one of my fashion designs to ransom, damn her." "And you're really not the alt-Master?" He glowered. "It could be worth a fortune! The point is, Doctor, she's got to be stopped. She would impose continuity onto the Round." "That can't be done." He leant back in his chair. "Then, go ahead, Doctor, let her try!" "What did that woman say to Harry?" demanded Sarah. "Where's he gone?" Adric screwed up his face. "Nothing much, really. Just asked why it is he always works at the bar and never sits with the UNIT crowd." "You do know you're standing under a fridge hanging precariously from the ceiling, don't you?" "I know." "Right," said Sarah to herself and went to find Sergeant Benton. Quick Demi-Drabble Interlude: The Brigadier entered the Round, marched over to Liz and handed her his gun. "Well, go on, Miss Shaw. Get it over with." Benny stared. "Is this some drama thingy?" "But I don't want to shoot you," said Liz, turning red. He raised an eyebrow. "Funny. I thought you did." "I've been hearing some things -." The Eighth Doctor broke off to stare at Ruth. "Who is this?" "Miss Ruth Evershed," introduced the Second. "I gather she was Senior Intelligence Analyst at MI5, which sounds rather exciting." The Eighth Doctor said, "Ruth!" Then he caught hold of her and kissed her. "Urghgh!" yelled the Second, covering his eyes. "Can't you *not* do that?" The Eighth turned with an innocent light in his eyes. "But she looked so lonely!" Ruth was now scarlet, thoroughly flustered and quietly thrilled. "I thought it would be fun in here. Er, what was it you were going to say?" "Oh, yes," he continued and then gave her an engaging smile. "You didn't mind, did you?" She smiled back. "No. What *were* you saying?" Martha took her drink over to Rose's table. "I can't believe she would kiss him, after what happened with her and Harry!" "Ruth and Harry?" Rose was equally shocked, but for a different reason. "But he's so old! I thought she had a hopeless crush on Tom." Martha sighed. "It was true love with those two, all right." She shook her head. "You meet people, you get your illusions shattered." "The Master tells me that we've got a newcomer and she's trouble. More trouble than usual..." "Oho," laughed the Second. "Has he been caught out being nice to someone as well?" The Eighth Doctor shook his head. "No. She's just got between him and his egotistical desire to be a famous fashion designer. I thought I'd come and thank her, but then I gathered that she really might be a danger." By the time Sarah returned to the bar, Benton had found Harry and dragged him to the UNIT table, where he was sitting, looking pleased but out of place (and remembering why it was he never sat with them and ended up working at the bar). Sarah caught Tessa's eye and stuck out her tongue. "This is silly," complained Tegan. "It is the Round," pointed out her Doctor. She shook her head. "We all know she's trouble now, so what are we waiting for? Why don't you get all your selves and throw her out? She'd have to be I don't know what to stand up to all Ten of you. Or however many there are of you currently." "Wait," said Ruth with a wicked smile. "It's a good idea, but I can think of a better way to go about it..." Nyssa was still curious about Tessa. "What do you want me to do?" "Well, I'd like to learn some of your special skills," she confessed. "My life has been full of frustrations until now. Here's a place where I could finally work some of them out. Once we've got it a little more organised, that is. In fact, when we've done that, I shall certainly find a loophole of my own and invite Harry over. He'd hate it here." Nyssa merely looked thoughtful. Adric called Tessa over. "The Proprietor says to give you this - it's the job advertisement." She read it, her eyebrows rising as she did so. "He doesn't want much for nothing, does he?" Quick Drabble Interlude: Polly was still having trouble with a tall, dark-haired woman in a smart suit at the door. "Let me get this straight," she said acerbically, "despite the fact that they haven't been in a proper story yet, dear little lapdog Ruth is inside and snake in the grass Tessa, but you won't let me in?" Polly hit her with the clipboard. "I'll take that as a no," she surmised eventually and strode away. (Outside of reality, Juliet rarely remained wheelchair bound and was deeply bitter about her injuries. Not of course that*anything* would stop her. Other than an outraged Polly.) (Meanwhile, back inside the Round...) "And," continued Adric, "if you're going to be running things, we don't only want proper, professional staff at the bar, we want protection for unpopular characters from maniacs who might happen to try and kill them." "Right," said Tessa, still not quite at the end of the Proprietor's demands. "So who would you say are the unpopular characters?" Harry had come over. He shook his head and sucked in his breath. "That's a thorny question. It all depends." "I'm top of that list," said Adric. "I want proper protection. Look at the conditions I have to work under." He pointed at the fridge. Tessa took this in. "I see. You want me to try and keep Nyssa from killing you?" "If you can't do that, you're not much use, are you?" Nyssa was immediately at her elbow. "You promised me that I could continue with my ... projects." Turlough sidled over. "Look, maybe I *am* evil. What did you want and does it pay well?" A crowd was gathering. "Are we having new rules?" asked the Second Doctor. "I want an open door policy and a ban on my future selves kissing anybody!" The Eighth Doctor pushed him aside. "I insist that I have a right to kiss whoever I want! You kissed Zoe!" "Will people please stop implying that there was something between us?" begged Zoe in distress. "I want no more insinuations and double entendres - and more lectures on computers. It's such a pain having to travel for them all the time. I have to sit next to Mel." Tessa narrowed her eyes, but there were too many Regulars around her for her to regain control. "I have to say," added the Sixth, "that while I may not wander around wantonly kissing people as often as some of my selves seem to do, I don't wish to be banned from ever doing so should it enter my head to try." "Would you say I had a manic smile?" asked the Tenth. "I think some authors ought to be banned..." The First Doctor barged forward. "There are too many crossover characters and all these non-canonononical people around. They need to be banned!" The Delgado Master was chuckling as he talked to the Ainley Master. "She's manufactured some evidence against me, claiming that I'm not as evil as I so obviously am." "You know she threatened me with the same thing?" returned the other and they both laughed insanely. The Brigadier elbowed them aside. "I insist that she shoots me! Tell her!" "I won't!" refused Liz, in tears. Benny said, "And I won't have these amateur dramatic societies in a pub! I came in here for a quiet drink!" "There's too much drinking!" opined Mel. Benny pulled her hair. "What exactly is your plan for stopping all these extra characters getting in here?" demanded Polly. "I need to know now! I can see another one over there..." "Get back everyone!" Nyssa's clear voice carried above the melee and they all dived for cover. She hesitated for one moment and then looked straight at Adric. "Duck!" As the fridge finally hit the ground, releasing a swarm of deadly Osmyrian fereth butterflies, Tessa found she was actually relieved to see an end in sight. "Nyssa!" yelled the Fifth Doctor, as he, Tegan, and the two Masters crouched behind an upturned table, trying to keep out of reach of the deadly, alien insects. "I've told you before! You'll get us all killed!" She smiled imperturbably as the blue butterflies flew out the door. "They're very well trained. Besides, it adds to the fun. It does get so boring sometimes." "Face it," said Tegan as the Doctor put his head in his hands. "You aren't going to get through to her! At least, not by talking..." The Eighth Doctor helped Ruth up as the Second Doctor fell over an upturned chair. "I said you'd make a mess of the place," Ben told him. Ruth was smiling widely. "I thought that might do it. Is she really dead? What if she's wanted back in one of our stories?" "Things aren't permanent here," explained the Second Doctor patiently. "I'm afraid she'll be back. I don't think she'll come back *here*, however." Polly finally smiled. "You can, though. If you want to..." "I think I might," said Ruth. "Maybe when you fancy another night off?" Senior Intelligence Anyalyst, had somebody said? Polly's smile grew. "I'll let you know!" (The End. Apart from the Epilogue...)