Elsewhere in 'Look Who's Talking', the day care centre outside continuity...

[The baby Eighth Doctor, complete with brown frock coat and fob watch shoved down his nappy, is busy tinkering with something lost in Lego scaffolding. Izzy, a baby girl with ginger hair who's smaller than virtually everyone else, is staring at the TV and sucking a Darth Vader doll. Charley, a baby girl wearing baby clothes from the 30s, is watching the Doctor with an adoring look on her face]

Doc: Izzy, pass the spanner, please.

Izzy: Mmmph.

Doc: Thank y- Izzy, this is a _wrench_, not a spanner.

Izzy: Mmmph.

Doc [sighs]: Okay, pass the sonic screwdriver. We'll just have to make some adjustments...

Izzy: Mmmph.

Doc: Izzy... This is a _neutron ram_, not a sonic screwdriver...

Izzy: Mmmph.

Charley: [giggles]

Doc: Yes, thank you so much, Charley... Now, if you could kindly _stop_ giggling and get back to work...

Charley [grins]: Yeth, bosth.

Doc [closes his eyes]: Why me? Why me?

[Anji's sitting on the floor in front of the... whatever it is they're building, her mouth hanging open. Mel crawls over and starts dabbing at Anji's mouth with a tissue]

Mel: Here, lemme get that. You're dribbling. And _you_ are crazy.

Doc [shrugs] They said that about Nyssa... And look where she is now.

Mel [raises eyebrow] : Yeah. Giving Adric a wedgie. Do you _really_ wanna end up like that?

Doc [hurt look]: Come on, Mel. It's not as if a jet-powered pushchair's _that_ ridiculous...

Anji [blinks]: *What?!*

Doc [stern look in Mel's direction]: And where are your manners, young lady? Introduce, _then_ yell... Hello, Anji.

Anji [blinks even more rapidly]: Huh??! How....Wha.. [closes eyes] Okay. What's going on?

Doc: I'm the Doc. Well, one of them, anyway... Eighth Doc, to be precise...

Anji [mutters] : I'm not even gonna ask...

Doc [continues]: _This_ is Izzy S. And just as soon as she tears herself away from the Teletubbies, she's going to pass the spanner, *right*, Izzy?

Izzy: Mmmph.

Doc [gesturing to the other side of the scaffolding]: And _that's_ Charley. Bit... old-fashioned, but-

Charley [muffled]: Hey, bosth. I've done it! The di- dimen- the thingy that maketh it bigger on the inthide than the outhide's in...

Mel [jaw drops]: You've actually succeeded?!

Doc [gives Izzy a stern look]: Yes. And just as soon as Izzy hands me the spanner, I can make the final adjustments to the battering ram.

Anji [gawping]: *Battering ram?!*

Doc: Aahh... _Thank you_, Izzy... Now, let me see... Oh. We need a battering ram to knock the door down.

Anji [starts grinning madly]: Breakout?

Doc [looks startled] : No, break _in_. The Adults are keeping something from us in This Time Round. And I want to find out what. Maybe it's where that disgusting mush at dinnertime comes from. Maybe it's a storehouse of endless milk. Maybe it's where they keep the really _good_ toys. The point is, _I don't know what it is!_

Mel [shakes head]: This is loonier than the time Sixth Doc wanted to build a TV station...

Izzy [pulls Darth Vader doll out of her mouth]: He succeeded, didn't he?

Mel: That's what bothers me...

Doc: There. That should do it... [He looks around, then crawls up to the top of the scaffolding] Alright. Babies of the day care centre, listen carefully. This message is of vital importance to the lives of you all...

[Mel starts beating her head against the scaffolding] I _hate_ when he starts doing injokes...

Doc [continues]: For many months now, the Adults have kept us out of This Time Round. With the aid of _this_... [he points to the pushchair] ...we'll finally be able to find out what's in there. Who's with me?

[A massive cheer goes up from the assembled babies. Followed by the occasional sound of retching]

Doc [grins]: All right. Everybody in. Room enough for everybody... yes, _really_, Brigadier... Yes, I _know_ it looks like an ordinary pushchair, Sarah... It will work. Trust me. Who's got the cookies?

Anji [gives Mel a sideways look]: We're all going to die, aren't we?


Mel [thinks about this]: Quite probably, yes...

Doc [yells down from the top of the scaffolding]: Okay, you two, time to get in. We're just about to leave...

[Anji and Mel roll their eyes up, but get ready to go in anyway]

Anji [mutters to herself] : Travelling in a jet-powered pushchair that's bigger inside than out, complete with battering ram, breaking into an Adults Only area... Mum is gonna have _kittens_.

[Anji starts grinning]




Copyright 2001 Imran Inayat